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I am on bumble again so I have some thoughts on objectification and manipulation. Bear with me.Permalink On twitter.com
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So any (straight) woman on a dating site has got obscene messages. Some dudes open with them. I find it gross, and I bet the success rate is low, but it’s actually quite efficient. If the dude gets a response, it’s presumably from a woman who is okay with that.Permalink On twitter.com
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I don’t like these messages. But the ones I find more creepy in some ways are from the guys who are like, hey, what are you looking for? A serious relationship or just to hook up? I hate the way the question is framed - it’s objectifying. And the whole strategy is manipulative.Permalink On twitter.com
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Why objectifying? Well to reframe the question: are you hoping a man wants to wife you, or are you hoping a man wants to fuck you? In both of these questions the woman is the object, and it presents women as wives or sex objects, but never both.Permalink On twitter.com
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It’s manipulative because it frames it as: if you aren’t looking for a relationship, you must be okay with meeting a random for sex. For women “wanting” a relationship has a bad rep (aka desperation) which creates pressure to choose the other option.Permalink On twitter.com
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There aren’t two options here, there are a thousand, many of which don’t start with deciding whether or not you want to have sex with some dude you’ve seen three pictures and two sentences about, and this has been your only interaction. It’s not a strong first impression.Permalink On twitter.com
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Or maybe it is, for me it’s a strong no 😂Permalink On twitter.com
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I had one of these exchanges this morning and the guy was like “are you up for some adult fun” and I said “not with you” and now he’s blocked me 😂Permalink On twitter.com
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So I think the strength and weakness of online dating is that it allows you to reach people outside your social circle. This is the benefit! But the downside is that it frees people from social consequences. (Which keep a lot of us in check tbqh) dantoml/970279357678804994?s=21Permalink On twitter.com
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The manipulative guys online either 1) don’t do this (as blatantly) irl or 2) are the ones that women warn each other about. “Yeah he’s cute but he’s bad news”Permalink On twitter.com
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This freedom from social consequences also makes relationships with people met online more disposible. There’s nothing that ties you together, and no one to judge you if - completely hypothetical example - you end things with a super weird text message at 830 one Monday morning.Permalink On twitter.com
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But it also makes it much easier to go out with someone once, never give them your real name, and never speak to them again for no other reason than it was “meh” and you have better things to do. No need to feel awkward because you will never run into them again.On twitter.com